Rant by Bo Burnham
Rant lyrics
All the seats at the Sunday masses filled with the
masses mass of asses, classes pass as fast as molasses,
ceremonial reading glasses. Read a little bit of
Leviticus, all the kids are a little too little for
this, all the parents nod in agreement "i think i can
vaguely see what He meant." Its too early in the
morning, glory, to read another allegory story, the
father reads a little bit farther assuring the assured
that they need not bother when God, in verse 45, said
that slaves are OK to buy, He meant that people all from
the start each have "slaves" within their hearts. Things
that we have sold or bought , that are forced to pick
our moral cotton. God calls us to set these free, free
our hearts from slavery.......and then as God goes on to
explain the logistics of buying and selling
slaves.......uh...he......the bible's sorta
like............uhhh....there's like
typos....didn't.......in the back, i sit and i nod to
the beats that are bumping from my iPod, my God,
they're starting to pray, and over the music i can hear
them say "dear God, dear Lord, dear vague muscular man
with a beard of a sword, dear good all seeing being my
way or the highway, Yahweh the blue balls, anti
masturbater, the great all loving faggot hater, I'd like
to thank your holy might for making me both rich and
white, and though this is your day of rest i come to
you with one request, there's so much pain beyond this
steeple, wars and drugs and homeless people, sadness
where there should be joy, hate and rape and soulja
boy, a world in darkness needs your light so I'm sure
your schedule's pretty tight but my dog just had
surgery, if you could fix that first.......JESUS"
Deborah Messing's fingers in a holy place, hail mary full of
grace......Obama could you pass some hope to the Pope
I know a couple dudes who wanna elope, see the church said nope so the bros can't cope, the bros can grope but
the bros can't cope, theyve been in love and theyve been
addicted who said they shouldn't? benedict did.
cause in the holy land of the lord he's the holy
landlord and dicks are evicted.
cause you can be a benedict if you've been a dick under
benedict but
you can't have benedicts because there's only one pope
and only one dick
what? yeah, a dick on a pope is
just like a soap on a rope cause it's
pointless, unless in prison, throw up your bibles,
christ has risen.
hallelujah, now it's raining men,
because the gender ratio is 1 to 10.
winos at the Eucharist station, trans-gendered-
substantiation
jesus wasn't the messiah, get back i'm a heretic and
i'm on fire
it was oedipus, and those holy nights
the holy motherfucking christ.
i'm a blasphemah post-katrina cruising the marina. on a
crusade to cruise aids
and blast FEMA
you're too late, we're fucked we don't need ya.
in the name of the father, son and holy ghost
head, shoulders, knees and toes
turn up your nose, strike that pose.
HEY MACARENA!
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